One shade of who gives a #*&@

I have NOT read any of the Fifty Shades of Grey books. I didn’t read any of the Twilight books either and when my writer-friend Shireen told me how poorly she thought of the 50 Shades books (because of how crappy they were written, etc. and NOT because of the sexual nature) I just never had the desire to read them.

So what I’m about to say is based solely on my personal interaction with friends. I haven’t read reviews of the movie or read a single article about it either. But here’s what I’ve got to say: Who cares what two CONSENTING ADULTS do in a sexual relationship as long as it’s, again, consensual between two adults and legal? (I throw legal in there so no one can come out and talk to me about bestiality, child sexual abuse, etc.)


Whether or not you agree with what she (I don’t even know her name) does with Christian Grey, or lets him do to her, is not the point. If it’s agreed upon by two adults, under terms they set together, and they both feel safe within the agreed-upon situation, why do you care about it? It’s THEIR choice. Not ours. (I mean, I guess if you want to get critical, it was the author’s decision, because remember, this is a non-fiction book we’re talking about.)

If you want to talk about Grey controlling her, let’s talk about control. In every single sexual interaction between two people, someone is in control. In the standard, most common mission sex position, someone’s on top and someone’s on bottom. If literally being on top of someone doesn’t signify control, I don’t know what does. There’s always some level of control in a relationship. And that’s okay as long as you’re on the same page with your partner.

I’m sure this woman has self-esteem issues from what I’ve been told. (Don’t we all?) It sounds like maybe Christian Gray takes advantage of his “age and experience” and her lack-there-of. (I’m not entirely sure I care since she willingly walked into this relationship as an adult knowing her own age and experience.) I’m sure I won’t let my kids read the books or watch the movie. (Especially since they are all too young and not the target audience.) I would probably not do things I’ve heard they do sexually in the book/movie. (It just doesn’t turn me on.) I also won’t go see the movie in the theater. (Because honestly it makes me uncomfortable sitting with a 100 strangers watching graphic sex scenes.)

BUT. (And this is a HUGE butt. Kinda like mine.)

(See what I did there?)

Here’s the deal: We all have the freedom to enter into grown-up relationships. OR NOT. And what you chose to do sexually within the consenting boundaries of your marriage (okay, or whatever relationship you’re in) is YOUR choice only.

So be all gung-ho about non-consenting sexual abuse issues. But don’t knock someone down or tell someone they’re wrong because they’re turned on by something that you don’t understand. Especially if you haven’t even read the non-fiction books.

(This is all about a non-fiction book series for adults that NO ONE is required to read, right? Geesh.)


3 thoughts on “One shade of who gives a #*&@

  1. Anna

    I initially felt similarly until I read a review of the movie from a woman who thought it was something she would joke about but ended up nearly in tears. Her issue was not regarding the sex but about the emotional abuse and in turn manipulating behavior which one would argue would make “consenting” adult questionable because such a decision would be made under different conditions. I haven’t read the book or watched the movie but I felt strong enough to ask that people think twice before seeing the movie. In a book, the author may be able to explain the thoughts behind decisions but a movie is a visual medium and that manipulation and controlling relationship absent of the sex would be pretty black and white. I work in human subjects research protection and vulnerable populations are afforded additional protection in order to avoid coercion in the consent process. People can choose to watch or not. I won’t be calling them names and I won’t judge. I was persuaded enough to share a review that I felt was pretty powerful but that’s all I asked.

  2. Crystal

    My biggest problem with the series is not the sex. You can take out all the BDSM and Christian Grey is still an emotionally abusive jerk who tells Ana what to wear, what to eat, whom she can talk to, etc. i could go on and on. if whips and chains are your thing, that’s fine. But emotional abuse and controlling jealousy are not ok with me, and I don’t like seeing that behavior held up as sexy or exciting. I’ll be skipping the movie, and I made a donation to the Julian Center instead.


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