Monthly Archives: September 2014

choosing to love

Sometimes I’m too naive. I like to think I’m just optimistic. Thinking the best about people/situations. But I’ve learned recently that I’m also very naive.

I recently reconnected with an old “friend” via Facebook. He wasn’t my boyfriend. We never actually dated.  But I fell for him hard my senior year of high school and we had a deep connection. He became a very close friend by the time we graduated but our relationship, whatever it had evolved into, ended abruptly, shortly after the start of college.

Abruptly and completely. And I was heartbroken. I had lost a friend and more than that. With no explanation and only my own thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head telling lies and truths and not knowing which was which.

Years passed (18 to be exact) and we spoke maybe twice. The last time we spoke or had any interaction was 13 years ago. I’ve actually written about it before here. It’s interesting how you hold on to memories when you don’t have closure…

So when we became Facebook friends last month I had a naive expectation about how it would look. I’d browse his Facebook page, see who he’d become, where he was. He’d do the same. We’d say “hey, good to see you again” and sporadically like each others’ pics and posts.

It didn’t quite work that way. It’s too easy to go back to the past, remember those feelings. I was naive in thinking that wouldn’t happen…

A few days later, a friend invited me to pray for Adam every day during the month of September. We had spoken about this a week or so before and the timing couldn’t have been better. Adam and I were in a fine place in our marriage, but at the same time I was reconnecting with someone I had loved and cared for very much in the past. I knew I needed to proactively protect my marriage in every way possible because no one else would do that but me.

So I made a strategic choice to love Adam more. To love him better. To love him purposefully. To pray for him each day. To pursue him lovingly. And it has worked.

I feel more connected to him than I have in years. Actually, I’m not sure that I can remember the last time I felt like this. I have (re)found a love for him that feels alive and real.

I keep asking myself why I haven’t done this before? Made a CHOICE to love my husband? We’ve been through rough times. Where I wasn’t sure I could picture living the REST OF MY LIFE *together* with him.  Why didn’t I choose to love him in those times? To protect and guard my marriage then like I am now?

Let’s be honest. For most of us, it’s not another person that is coming between, or causing problems in, our marriages. It’s disagreements about parenting, money, hormones, the way we speak to each other, lack of respect, not loving ourselves… I could go on and on.

But we can make a choice EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. to love our spouse more. Because after this long, it HAS to be a choice. The butterflies go away and day to day life, STAGES of life, get in the way and change dynamics. Kissing him goodbye in the morning and goodnight before bed becomes a ritual. But let me tell you. CHOOSING to love someone? It changes all of it.

So I challenge you to make the choice. The choice to love your spouse. Love him better. Love her more. Love him deliberately. Love her purposefully. CHOOSE love in all the moments of the day. And look at him like you love him. Like you really, deep-down mean it.

Because you *will* mean it. And it’ll feel amazing. I promise.

confessions

Today I shared on Facebook that “I shamelessly admit to loving Enrique Iglesias’s new song “Bailando.” And I first heard it on Radio Disney with my girls. So there.”

So I thought I might as well fess up my whole new gym playlist I created on Spotify last week since it includes several more songs I could “shamlessly admit to.” And since apparently I didn’t ask the right questions when the cable guy came today, I’m hanging out by myself while Adam’s on the phone trying to figure it out…

Here’s my dancey little list of songs I work out to now (in no certain order). And do dishes to. And fold laundry to. And make dinner to. You get the picture.work out songs

  1. “Really Don’t Care” by Demi Lovato : Man I wish this song was out when I was in high school. It is a great break-up moving on song.
  2. “Love Never Felt so Good” by MJ and JT : I mean, MJ and JT. Nuff said.
  3. “Not a Bad Thing” by JT : Will someone please pay him to sing this to me for my birthday?
  4. “Bailando” by Enrique Iglesias : I can’t stop doing the two Latin dance moves I learned from a Columbian friend at my first job out of college. This song makes you move.
  5. “Shake it Of”f by TSwift : “It’s like I’ve got this music in my heart saying it’s gonna be alright.” Girl, I can’t control my shoulders when this song comes off. I really love it. And Lucas thinks he can break dance after watching the video, so it makes the song even better.
  6. “On the Floor” by JLo : You know my obsession with JLo, right?
  7. “Suit & Tie” by JT : Noticing a trend here?
  8. “Take a Walk” by Passion Pit : Seriously one of my new favorite songs at the suggestion of a great friend. Like, you have to go listen to it now. It’s so great.
  9. “Little Secrets” by Passion Pit : Another great new find to me with a fun tempo that keeps you moving.
  10. “My Love” by JT : An oldie but goodie. Oh, so good. Maybe one of my favorite JT songs of all time.
  11. “Love Runs Out” by OneRepublic : I saw them in concert this summer thanks to my mom and it made me love this band. (Along with The Script who opened for them. Amazing live music, these two bands.)
  12. “Don’t Stop the Music” by Rihanna : I’m generally not a big fan of Rihanna, but this one reminds me to keep going.
  13. “Timber” by Pitbull and Keisha : I seriously about barfed when I found out that Keisha was the one singing in this song the other day, but oh well. I love the song and it reminds me of one of my favorite routines from Zumba.
  14. “Let it Go” from Frozen : Because Let it Go from Frozen.
  15. “Can’t Hold Us” by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis : I feel like their music reminds me of good rap music that made me love it when I was a teen rather than most of the crap rap they make now.
  16. “White Walls” by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis : This song just makes me feel cool when I listen to it. Let me pretend.

What’s on your work-out playlist? As much as I’m listening to these, I’m sure I’ll need some additional songs soon.

And if you live in downtown Indy and want to join me at the gym, I’d love a partner. 🙂