As you know, Mother’s Day was a bit rough for me. And I’m not gonna lie – the following day seemed just as difficult – but for one primary reason. Alaina.
One of the hardest parts for me to get past was that Alaina hadn’t told me Happy Mother’s Day. And I was holding onto that big time. Adam asked me if I had spoken to her about it – told her how it made me feel. The answer was a solid NO. I knew her response would be “Oh. I didn’t mean to not say it.” But Adam pushed back and after another day of thinking about it, I decided to share with her how it made me feel.
I simply told her that it hurt my feelings. And she responded exactly as I knew she would. And then she apologized and I could see it was sincere. I explained to her that she wasn’t in trouble, that I didn’t want to make her feel bad. I just wanted to her to understand how it made me feel – the only way I knew how to do that was to compare it to her birthday. And when i asked her how she would feel if I didn’t tell her “Happy Birthday” and just treated the day like every other, I could instantly see a change in her understanding.
And suddenly I felt like our relationship changed. Maybe change isn’t the right word. Turned a corner. Yes, that’s more like it. Our relationship turned a corner. Where now it wasn’t just a one-way street. That she understood that our relationship was indeed just that. A relationship. Two people. Interacting with each other. Impacting each other. Caring for each other.
I feel a sense of freedom. To be a bit more myself with her maybe. To let her see who I am besides just her mom. And it feels good. I encourage you to try it. To be a bit vulnerable with your tween. It was super scary. I’m not gonna lie. But I’m going to stick with it because I think it will lead to more corners to be turned.