the truth shall set you free

As you know, Mother’s Day was a bit rough for me. And I’m not gonna lie – the following day seemed just as difficult – but for one primary reason. Alaina.

One of the hardest parts for me to get past was that Alaina hadn’t told me Happy Mother’s Day. And I was holding onto that big time. Adam asked me if I had spoken to her about it – told her how it made me feel. The answer was a solid NO. I knew her response would be “Oh. I didn’t mean to not say it.” But Adam pushed back and after another day of thinking about it, I decided to share with her how it made me feel.

I simply told her that it hurt my feelings. And she responded exactly as I knew she would. And then she apologized and I could see it was sincere. I explained to her that she wasn’t in trouble, that I didn’t want to make her feel bad. I just wanted to her to understand how it made me feel – the only way I knew how to do that was to compare it to her birthday. And when i asked her how she would feel if I didn’t tell her “Happy Birthday” and just treated the day like every other, I could instantly see a change in her understanding.mom & daughter

And suddenly I felt like our relationship changed. Maybe change isn’t the right word. Turned a corner. Yes, that’s more like it. Our relationship turned a corner. Where now it wasn’t just a one-way street. That she understood that our relationship was indeed just that. A relationship. Two people. Interacting with each other. Impacting each other. Caring for each other.

I feel a sense of freedom. To be a bit more myself with her maybe. To let her see who I am besides just her mom. And it feels good. I encourage you to try it. To be a bit vulnerable with your tween. It was super scary. I’m not gonna lie. But I’m going to stick with it because I think it will lead to more corners to be turned.

4 thoughts on “the truth shall set you free

  1. Pingback: the truth shall set you free - Indy Geek Girls

  2. Amberly Lutsch

    That’s excellent news! It’s scary to confront especially when we have to be vulnerable and because confront has a negative connotation. She’s learning to speak up for herself too through your example. Way to go Katie!

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  3. Angie Six (@AngieSix)

    I’m so glad you shared this, because it’s something I’ve been struggling with myself. I’m finding it hard at times to know just how to talk to my Elena, especially when it comes to the hard stuff. Where we used to banter back and forth so easily, now it can seem forced. Thanks for reminding me to just keep talking and sharing.

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  4. Tricia Meyer (@sunshinetricia)

    My older daughter is now 13 1/2 and I find that there are times were she actually understands things a lot better when I open up to her. For example, when she talks about friend issues, I tell her that even as a grown-up I still struggle with things like cliques and feeling out of place and most of the things she is dealing with. I am not burdening her with financial issues or other adult problems. But more about people and basic relationship issues. I find that it helps because I’m not just using my “mom talk” (which I often do) to tell her what I think she should do. Surprisingly, she sometimes gives ME some good advice in return!

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