Lies, comparisons and Mother’s Day

I’m not gonna lie – today has been hard. For some reason this Mother’s Day just didn’t feel right.

My oldest never once told me “Happy Mother’s Day.”

I was up at 6:15am with a feverish baby, so no sleeping in and no breakfast in bed. Alaina said to me about 8:15am: “We would have made you breakfast if you would have slept in longer.” Um, thanks.

Because of feverish baby, just the girls and I went to church (which was actually really wonderful, one of the highs of my day). We didn’t go out to dinner, but ordered Chinese take-out for me and Alaina and Adam got him and the other two burgers & fries. Not quite the Mexican and margarita I had been craving and looking forward to all week.

And so tonight I decided to run to McD’s for a hot fudge sundae and as I ordered, the intercom guy told me the ice cream machine wasn’t working. So I settled for a Frosty from Wendy’s, which is not what I wanted, but is helping a bit.

Here’s the thing: it’s not just the list above that made today hard. It’s the comparison I made to how the kids treat Adam.

I know, don’t go there, but already gone…

EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. the kids run to Adam when he walks in the door from work, fighting for who will get the first hug, screaming “Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home!” EVERY. SINGLE. FATHER’S DAY. they are planning on what they want to do for him for weeks in advance. Wanting to make cards and bouncing idea after idea off me of what we could get for him. They tell him “Happy Father’s Day” several times during the day.

I can’t remember when someone ran to me when I walked in the door for any other reason than to ask me if they could have a snack or have screen time. (Okay, so Isaac is always happy to see me, but he doesn’t really count in this.) And I didn’t get a single handmade card other than the ones daycare made my boys make for me.

Maybe this only happens at my house. Maybe I’m the only one making the comparison and feeling let down and saddened by it.

But I doubt it. I bet I’m not the only one feeling this way tonight.

So here’s what I really want to share. The most important part of this entire post. READ ONLY THIS IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE: Don’t find your worth in your kids. Find it in who God made you to be, in His image, in His love, perfectly YOU. Because you will always be disappointed if you find your worth in anything else. Your kids will fail you. Your spouse will fail you. Your parents will fail you. Your friends will fail you. YOU will fail you.

Praying that I would learn to find my worth in Jesus and not in people or things is the only thing that saved me today. I prayed it over and over. Over and over I kept going back to wondering if Alaina would wish me “Happy Mother’s Day” and over and over I had to keep reminding myself that my worth comes from the Lord. The maker of heaven and earth.

Don’t believe the lies you hear in your head. The comparisons you draw. Let me speak truth to you before I finish: You are loved by a divine and perfect father who loves you for every ounce of who you are. 

Find your worth in *that* alone. He will not fail you. Not once.

 

(I didn’t write this as a woe-is-me type of post. Please don’t take it that way. I just needed to be honest about today and know I’m not the only one who probably felt this way today.)

15 thoughts on “Lies, comparisons and Mother’s Day

  1. chrisgharmon

    Amen.
    Love you & the truth in this post.
    I’m not one of your kids, but Happy Mother’s Day! (One of these days, they *will* get how much you’ve done for them.)

    Reply
  2. Lynne

    Great, honest, heartfelt post, honey. I have felt this way before, sometimes we are taken for granted. I remember having a Mother’s Day years back and thinking, “How is this any different than any other crazy day?”.

    Reply
  3. Tricia Meyer (@sunshinetricia)

    I remember one Mother’s Day where I locked myself in the bedroom and cried and wouldn’t talk to my family the whole day because I felt so underappreciated. It was terrible!! My 13-year-old told me this year that my Mother’s Day present was that she was posting a picture of us on Instagram (after the fact…when I said I was upset that she hardly even recognized the day). Seriously?? I was really hurt by that. I guess in her head it made sense. But to me I felt like I deserved a lot more! The older I get, the lower my expectations are for holidays. LOL You are right that we can’t compare or measure by what we get BACK. We give to them freely because we want to. I have a feeling that when push comes to shove, ALL of our families think that we are the best moms ever. They just don’t always show it. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Angie Six (@AngieSix)

    I don’t know what it is with Mother’s Day, but you are right – the comparisons run rampant! I felt really crappy at the end of the day because I was scrolling through Facebook and found photo after photo of generations of families together on Mother’s Day. I spent mine alone with my family, even though my mom lives 15 minutes away. And until I started comparing our tradition to everyone else’s, I was fine with it. I love having a lazy day with my family and avoiding restaurants at all costs, my mom loves letting me have a day like that in this season of my life (we celebrate together another day). But looking at all those perfect pictures, I started to feel bad. I’m so glad you shared this, because you’re completely right – our worth doesn’t come from how perfect we make ourselves look as mothers or daughters.

    Reply
  5. eternallizdom

    Such truth. Any time we compare ourselves or our experiences to any other person, we are the ones who lose. Like you, my worth and value comes from God and His plan for me.

    Reply
  6. Ann-Marie

    Your words do not fall on deaf ears. My Mother’s Day was also handmade creations from 2/3 kids, nothing but words from DH because I had to go and open my big stinkin mouth a few weeks ago and tell him our trip is my Mother’s Day gift. Which ok ok it is a big deal, but really? Nothing? Not even a card he could have had the kids sign. And I still made breakfast for everyone because DH can’t cook and I’m tired of cereal. SMH.

    Reply
  7. mrsvirgogrl

    Amen to your post! It seemed a lot of mother’s were not feeling all excited about this Mother’s Day. I think this was the first Mother’s Day were I wasn’t expecting really anything. My mom was out of town. The kids didn’t tell me Happy Mother’s Day or really give me anything except for the craft for church Sunday. My husband went to church with us (he normally doesn’t). My MIL came over and I left my husband (and kids) to spend time with her while I visited with my SIL and my nephews and niece. I was happy with my day. I agree not finding my worth in my kids (or anyone/anything else), because that changes everyday (or different times of the day) and they are 6, what do that know anyways lol We should all have that prayer (and pray for others) to find our worth in the Lord and nothing else

    Reply
  8. Pingback: the truth shall set you free | katie(un)scripted

  9. Shirley

    I read this and thought…holy smokes this was me! My husband and I have been going thru quite the ordeal with his parents…it’s doing some serious damage on us, but during one of our recent talks about the situation he asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I told him I would like a notebook of some kind that the kids sign every year…something that I’ll keep and cherish versus store bought cards. Easy, right? Yeah…I didn’t even get a card. It really put me down! My daughter had made me something little that was sweet and my son had done one of those Mother’s Day questionnaires at school. Both sweet, but I wanted recognition from my husband. He’s been gone a lot with work and school lately so absolutely everything to do with the kids and home has been on me. It’s been completely stressful…single parents are my hero because I don’t know how they manage on a day to day basis! I don’t need a big fancy dinner out somewhere or a glamorous gift…just a day that I was made to feel special. My husband took the nap that day, while I cleaned house. It hurts…it really does…and I’m trying hard to get past it, but I don’t feel appreciated and it just makes me want to give up! 🙁

    Reply
    1. katie Post author

      I get it. We know our job is hard, important, etc, but knowing those things doesn’t make it easier to do day after day if we believe that we aren’t worthy of more.

      Don’t believe the lies you are hearing in your head – that you aren’t appreciated. That the work you put in with the kids and the house isn’t important. That you aren’t special. I promise you that you are. And I promise you that your kids and your husband believe so too, they just don’t know how to show you. (Even though we tell them how!!) I’ve had to tell myself this over and over.

      Marriage is so hard. Parenting is so hard. That’s why I surround myself with a community of people (mainly women, but there are some amazing male friends in my life too) who continually build me up, speak truth into my life and remind me that I am worthy of this life. Don’t give up. You are worthy too.

      Reply
  10. kharking

    After my first, very disappointing, couple of mother’s days, I ended up deciding that I would treat it like any other Sunday and anything else on top would just get to bring me joy. I think that my husband interpreted that to mean that I WANTED it to be just like any other day. Not exactly but oh, well.
    My dad said last night that he thought that we should have a special day to celebrate my sister who is single and therefore doesn’t have a honoring day built into the calendar but is such an important part of our lives nonetheless. He is right, of course, and it is a great idea. I told him that I would be happy to give her even more recognition than I got from my family on mothers’ day–I would send her a text to tell her how very loved she is.
    I have to remember that she doesn’t get to hear good night mommy every day the way I do though and that is worth a lot.

    Reply

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