it seems fitting that Isaac is kind of a mess tonight. Sleeping poorly. Bursts of tears. Wanting to be comforted but then quickly feeling the need to stretch out on his mattress and not be bound by my lap and arms. And then starting the cycle all over again 20 min later.
It was a long day for me. I felt a similar feeling of being unsettled or uncomfortable or just wanting the opposite of whatever was happening.
Instead of a dark room filled with glimpses of light from an ark nightlight illuminating a little boy, who just couldn’t figure how to feel settled, being rocked by his tired momma, it shows only darkness. It feels lonely.
and as I showered before coming to bed tonight, I was thinking of this picture. What I could see and wanted to capture, was instead dark and alone. And I realized that the reason today has been so hard is because I was trying to do it all alone.
I woke up and started my day and I don’t remember once asking for God’s help. So tomorrow I start by simply asking God to be with me every step of the way. I think I’ll finish tonight with the same praye since Isaac has been crying on and off for the last 2 hours. I think I’ll need it.