I haven’t written in over two weeks because I haven’t really had anything to say except for complaining. Which does no one any sort of good.
I struggle in the winter. SAD is in full effect in this house.
Parenting is hard. Right when you think things might be turning a corner, BAM! You’re smacked in the face at how little control you have over the behavior and hearts of your children.
Loving myself, which I resolved to do such a short time ago, has been brushed aside because I’m tired and angry and tired and complaining. “Ugh, just stop complaining already” I keep saying to myself.
And then total crap happens to those you love.
Tonight I found out two very sad pieces of news from friends. Heartbreaking news that just hurts and makes you only be able to say “I’m sorry. That really sucks. And it isn’t fair.” News that initially makes me totally question whether or not I really trust God. Normally I fall right into this trap.
Friends, this is a TRAP.
On our way home tonight from our community group at church, and even more the moment I walked inside my house, I felt an overwhelming need to tell you that. That falling into this question of whether or not to trust God is a TRAP.
All of this crap around us? NONE OF IT IS FROM GOD.
I won’t pretend to know why God lets it happen, or to agree with it even. But I do know with all my heart that God does not want you to hurt. And while I don’t understand why someone might be given more than one horribly crappy situation (and I get totally angered by it, honestly) I feel so strongly that it isn’t from God.
And I will say too, that I don’t often get feelings like this. Like this overwhelming feeling that God is speaking to me. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I felt so strongly like this – that God was telling me that none of this was from him. And on top of it, that when crappity crap crap happens to really amazing people, people who are doing really amazing things in our community in God’s name, that something, someone, is targeting them.
Which is why I wanted to share it with you tonight. I don’t have all the answers, but I know two things for sure: That Satan is alive and working in this world and that God does not want you to hurt.
Don’t listen to the lies you’re told. They are not of God.
I keep thinking of the benediction from the pastor at our last church used to close with. And I want to close with it also.
This is my prayer for you.