I’m not ready for that.

Yesterday, I got an email about middle school shadow day.

I’m not ready for that.

Today, I got an email from our church about middle school youth group.

I’m not ready for that.

Tomorrow, I’ll be due with a fourth child in exactly one month.

I’m not ready for that.

Seeing a trend?

I’m feeling mentally unprepared for how my life is changing. How can I have a child old enough to be entering middle school in four short months? Is she really ready for middle school? Middle school is so scary. I don’t want her to feel all that craziness – with friends, with boys, with her parents.

I’m still not sure I’ve totally recovered/accepted from the day I found out I was pregnant. Remember those feelings? I’m ready to move on, but I still don’t have the vision of what our life is going to look like once this baby is actually here.

I’m also feeling physically unprepared. I’m a planner. But I haven’t done enough planning. Because the ceiling fell down, I feel like we’re way behind in getting ready for a new baby. We did actually order bunk beds for the girls, but they won’t be here for another week (crosses fingers that’s when they come). Lucas is still in the crib (converted into his toddler bed) in the nursery. That can’t change until the bunks come so we can shift all the kids’ rooms/beds.

My house is a mess because of all the furniture/toys out of the “broken room” as we call it now. The baby clothes we do have are still in boxes in the attic. We don’t have the new bedding I was planning on buying for the new African-themed nursery I had planned months ago with some items we received from my grandmother. The nursery hasn’t been painted to match the new nursery theme that isn’t even taking shape.

There’s still no real update from the last not real update on the house we’re supposed to maybe be buying. We’re still just waiting on the bank’s decision. Oh, except that the back door of the house had been kicked in sometime in the last week probably. Our awesome realtor and I went to the house today to make sure everything was still there. (It was.)

I feel like I just want it all to be done with. For the ceiling to be fixed. For the house to happen or not. For the bunk beds to come so I can have a nursery. For the baby to come. But…

I’m not ready for that.

Someone help me. I feel like I’m stuck. I’m just tired of it all and wish it was easier right now. That I had planned better and not waiting until a month left to get everything done. Now I feel like there’s too much and I’m overwhelmed.

I’m overwhelmed.


3 thoughts on “I’m not ready for that.

  1. Trish S.

    The Lord your God is with you,
    He is mighty to save.
    He will take great delight in you,
    He will quiet you with his love.
    He will rejoice over you with singing.
    Zephaniah 3:17

    Take a deep breath and one day, or hour, or minute even, at a time. Your sweet baby will be loved well, no matter what his bedroom looks like. While so unsettling for the planner in you, is there a silver lining in the wait on the status of the house, so that you’re not having to pack and move right now, too? (And if there’s not, it’s ok to just be frustrated.) And…I wouldn’t be ready for middle school either. That’s crazy! 🙂

    Not trying to “fix”; hopefully just offering encouragement. But most of all, praying for you–for peace and calm in the craziness, for answers one way or the other, and for bunk bed deliveries and fixed ceilings.


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