Thursday night Lucas went to bed with fever.
We were supposed to go camping the next afternoon.
He still had a fever Friday morning – but it went away, and he was running around with no other symptoms, like any other crazy (almost) 2 year old boy. Except he woke up from his nap with a fever of 103.7*.
After consulting with Dr. Facebook and a real live nurse on the phone, we decided to try to go camping anyway. Since he had no other symptom and the fever would go away right after taking meds.
Except I knew I shouldn’t take him. I knew it. I just knew it.
Yet I went along with it because Adam really wanted to go and I honestly felt like I was being stupid for not taking him on this planned trip with friends if his fever went away and it really was nothing.
Except it wasn’t nothing. Lucas was awake half the night with a fever and feeling horribly. He wouldn’t sleep in his “bed” so he slept in my sleeping bag. With me. It sucked. And he woke up with cold sores all over the inside of his lips and he wouldn’t eat or drink hardly anything. He felt horrid.
And so did I. Because I felt it was all my fault.
We packed up and came home Saturday afternoon. Lucas was miserable the entire way home.
And so was I. This “I’m a bad mom” feeling was taking over.
That night, Lucas woke up at 10pm and cried for over 30 minutes – nothing would soothe him. This is when I was totally consumed by the “bad mom” syndrome. “This is all my fault,” I said to Adam. “This never would have happened if I would have kept him home and you and the girls just went camping. This is MY fault.”
Here’s the thing: He probably would have been that sick no matter what. He hadn’t even had a fever for 24 hours by the time we got to the campsite Friday evening – we had no idea what would come next. Camping or not.
I let this false narrative that I was a bad mom take over. I totally succumbed to it. I listened to it and told myself it was true. I was a bad mom.
But it was false. FALSE. The truth? I’m a good mom. I definitely made a decision that I regretted, that I wouldn’t make again. But it didn’t make me a bad mom.
Why do I share this story? Because we all need to remember the truth. The TRUTH that we are good moms who also sometimes make poor decisions.
But God is good, y’all. He speaks truth to us through friends who remind us not to listen to the falsities that are so easy to believe. I am thankful for those friends who reminded me of my truth. *Our* truth.
Pass it on. Don’t let another mom believe a false truth.
linking up with Just Write.