Tonight as I was putting your little sister to bed, she started crying and said she couldn’t stand you. When I asked her why, she began telling me how sad she was because you are so mean to her. She said, through tears and sincere hurting, “This one time, Alaina was so nice to me and it made me so happy. And then she changed her mood.” She told me how horribly it hurts her feelings when you are so mean to her. Over and over again.
I cried with her.
And then I came to your room and told you how sad she was because of how you treat her. Your response? “She just annoys me so much.”
We talk about the way you treat Cameran a lot. We have almost daily conversations about the appropriate ways to treat others, especially your sister. How she looks up to you. How you are to be a role model for her. How God wants you to love her.
You are a selfish child. I’m not saying that to be mean, but to point to where I think your attitude towards your sister begins. I’m not sure if it’s because you were almost 4 years old when Cami was born or if it’s just inherently part of who you are. I think it’s both.
You were not raised to think only of yourself. And it’s a lesson we’ve struggled to teach you for years. It seems as if you are the most selfish around those who love you the most. Your teachers do not see it at school. We don’t see this behavior with your friends. It’s like it’s all reserved for your sister.
It is so heartbreaking to watch you hurt her. You are seldom changed by punishment, talks, prayer. It may last for a day, but then you go back to your old ways. I keep praying that you will love her well. That God will change your heart towards your only sister.
I want so much for you two to be close as you get older. You will need each other. Daddy and I will fail you. And when we don’t, you will think we did anyway because you’ll be a teenager. I’m prepared for that.
But I’m not prepared for you to go through it alone. It will be so much easier to have Cami by your side to lean on.
And then there’s Luke. You love him so dearly right now. And he watches you so intently with a constant smile. It is apparent he loves you, even at 5 months old. But I worry that you’ll begin treating him as you do Cami once he’s older.
I will keep praying for your heart. That it will soften toward Cameran and that it will remain loving toward Lucas. I know God has amazing things planned for you. I see it in your eyes. That sparkle and love for life. I pray you will share it with Cameran one day. Sooner rather than later. And that you will truly love her as only a sister can.