Where is the love?

Tonight as I was putting your little sister to bed, she started crying and said she couldn’t stand you. When I asked her why, she began telling me how sad she was because you are so mean to her. She said, through tears and sincere hurting, “This one time, Alaina was so nice to me and it made me so happy. And then she changed her mood.” She told me how horribly it hurts her feelings when you are so mean to her. Over and over again.

I cried with her.

And then I came to your room and told you how sad she was because of how you treat her. Your response? “She just annoys me so much.”

We talk about the way you treat Cameran a lot. We have almost daily conversations about the appropriate ways to treat others, especially your sister. How she looks up to you. How you are to be a role model for her. How God wants you to love her.

You are a selfish child. I’m not saying that to be mean, but to point to where I think your attitude towards your sister begins. I’m not sure if it’s because you were almost 4 years old when Cami was born or if it’s just inherently part of who you are. I think it’s both.

You were not raised to think only of yourself. And it’s a lesson we’ve struggled to teach you for years. It seems as if you are the most selfish around those who love you the most. Your teachers do not see it at school. We don’t see this behavior with your friends. It’s like it’s all reserved for your sister.

It is so heartbreaking to watch you hurt her. You are seldom changed by punishment, talks, prayer. It may last for a day, but then you go back to your old ways. I keep praying that you will love her well. That God will change your heart towards your only sister.

I want so much for you two to be close as you get older. You will need each other. Daddy and I will fail you. And when we don’t, you will think we did anyway because you’ll be a teenager. I’m prepared for that.

But I’m not prepared for you to go through it alone. It will be so much easier to have Cami by your side to lean on.

And then there’s Luke. You love him so dearly right now. And he watches you so intently with a constant smile. It is apparent he loves you, even at 5 months old. But I worry that you’ll begin treating him as you do Cami once he’s older.

I will keep praying for your heart. That it will soften toward Cameran and that it will remain loving toward Lucas. I know God has amazing things planned for you. I see it in your eyes. That sparkle and love for life. I pray you will share it with Cameran one day. Sooner rather than later. And that you will truly love her as only a sister can.

3 thoughts on “Where is the love?

  1. Deb Baresic

    So , in your last post, you invited conversation, and I have not done so in the past because I felt, as your Mom, that maybe I would be intruding. But, after reading this, and crying so much, I decided, since you invited, I would take you up on the opportunity.
    You never had a sibling close in age to you. At 10 years apart, you and Kevin really had nothing to fight about, because your interests were so different due to the age gap. But I never doubted that you loved each other, even when one of you did something that might have been hurtful to the other.
    Sometimes I think that you are very hard on Alaina (noting that I don’t live at your house and am not around on a daily basis). Cami has always been the “easy child” and Alaina not the easy one you say. And I think that I see that Alaina senses that. That she see’s that you think Cami is the good girl. I know that you have unmeasurable love for your children, I see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice.
    Children (thank God) learn as they grow. By positive reinforcement, by hearing love in your voice and the loving touch when you hold them. I don’t know how to tell you to fix this, but I do know that it makes my heart ache to see you write this about Alaina. I know Cami is hurting, but my bet is that Alaina is too, and just doesnt’ know how to deal with her feelings and actions. I think it would break her heart if she knew what you wrote.
    It’s breaking my heart, because I know you are hurting as well. And I can’t fix it. Please just know that I love you and I am not trying to intrude on your parenting. I swore, by all the opinions that G’ma gave me, that I would not do the same to my children. And I think I’ve done that so far, so please don’t think that you have to think my opinion is correct. It’s just that you invited conversation and……

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  2. Beth

    Oh, Katie. This is hard. I have yet to experience the sister dynamic between my own daughters as they are too young. However, having a sister myself I understand the ups and downs of that relationship and just how significantly it can impact one’s life for better or worse. It must be hard to see your girls going through this. I think praying for both of their hearts is the most important thing that you do.

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  3. Julie

    Katie, (I’m trying to refrain from calling you “Kate” as I suppose that is an “even worse” nickname for Kathleen.)

    I am catching up on the most recent 3 posts tonight. 🙂 I miss you, and I love that I get to stay involved in your life at least this much. A sad small amount.

    I know so well how everyone in your family is feeling. Except for Luke, because we don’t have a Luke. And honestly, we don’t have a Luke because of the heavy, heavy, heavy emotional load of the heart wrenching brother wars that have gone on here in the last 3 years.

    I am so very thankful to say that finally we have made a major breakthrough. Many thousands or millions of prayers and tears later we are all breathing and really living together instead of hiding physically and emotionally in our own bunkers.

    I will pray for you all. I know you, Adam and the kids need it. And, let’s talk live soon so I can tell you where our prayers eventually led us.

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