Monthly Archives: February 2011

Starting over.

This is what my garden looks like today:

See last summer’s dead tomato plants still there?  That’s kind of how I feel right now. Still here, but not so alive.

But three months from now?  These seed starts (tomatoes, broccoli, peppers) will all be about 8-10 inches high and ready to be planted, along with many other veggie plants. 

I’m hoping to get a new start too.  I’ve been hard on myself.  For many right reasons and many wrong reasons.  This transition to staying at home has been harder than I (naively) expected. 

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really have a bestie.  This didn’t bother me too much before, when I was with close friends more often.  But now that I’m not working in the office with good friends three days a week, I’m affected by this much more.  I have lots of friends – that’s not the issue.  But many of my closer friends live out of the city (or state or country) and I feel like some of my “local” friendships aren’t as strong as they once were.

I’m trying to figure out why those friendships have changed.  I’m trying to fit in, even if it’s awkward.  Even if it’s wrong.  I’m trying to know why I want so much to have this “bestie” beside me.

One Sunday, our Pastor was speaking about friendships (similar to how I’ve been feeling) and easily summed it up: Jesus is the only friend we need. 

Easier said than done.

I know this is true.  I really do.  But I can’t live it.  At least not right now.  I’m going to try.  But honestly?  I really miss having great friends that I can tell anything to.  And being that person being told everything on the flip side.  I want to be there for my friends so they don’t feel this way also.

I have more to say.  Wanna grab a beer? (Or wine or coffee or dessert? I’m flexible.)